I'll tell the truth when you do
by Zumiez
Summary: People will lie until they know the truth then it all comes out with tears and frustration it hurts but it happens. This story could go anywhere and anything can happen.
1. Don't Laugh At Me

**A/N:  
Okay kiddies I don't own Degrassi.  
I do love the show though some things are gunna be different.  
Just hush!  
Please, understand this is my first Degrassi fic.  
I hope you enjoy it.**

Also, italics are the song stuff, things written in '...' are Emma's thoughts.

----  
(Emma's point of view.)  
My headphones were placed in my ears so I wouldn't have to hear the outside world anymore. Today was an off day already. Only seven and I wanted to rip my head off. Spinning through my list on my iPod I came across Don't Laugh At Me by Mark Wills, the song made me cry every time but I wanted to listen to it. Slowly is began it hurt to hear the song now. Really actually hurt. The words fell from my mouth as the song played.

_I'm a little boy with glasses  
The one they call a geek  
A little girl who never smiles  
'Cause I've got braces on my teeth  
And I know how it feels  
To cry myself to sleep_

'Don't we all feel like that these days?' I began to question myself. 'Greenpeace, sprout, and all that was so annoying I hated listening to that.'

_I'm that kid on every playground  
who's always chosen last  
I'm a single teenage mother  
Tryin' to overcome my past_

'I hope I'm never a teenage mother, I couldn't handle it. I don't think I'd keep the baby really.' The thought rushed through my mind, really I hated myself for that but it's the truth.

_Don't laugh at me  
Don't call me names  
Don't get your pleasure from my pain  
In God's eyes we're all the same  
Someday we'll all have perfect wings  
Don't laugh at me_

'That does seem too much to ask now. People don't know how to control themselves anymore. Everything is a joke. Rape and suicide are the biggest these days, and I used to make jokes about them. Now though I can hardly think of the subject now.'

_I'm the cripple on the corner  
You've passed me on the street  
And I wouldn't be out here beggin'  
If I had enough to eat  
And don't think I don't notice  
That our eyes never meet  
I lost my wife and little boy when  
Someone crossed that yellow line  
The day we laid them in the ground  
Is the day I lost my mind  
And right now I'm down to holdin'  
This little cardboard sign...so_

'Hell, it's so hard to lose someone you love. Losing everything you love and care about. Going insane couldn't help much either and some days that's just how I feel.'

_Don't laugh at me  
Don't call me names  
Don't get your pleasure from my pain  
In God's eyes we're all the same  
Someday we'll all have perfect wings  
Don't laugh at me_

'Maybe God isn't real. But still we have no right to pick on people. In truth it's wrong and disgusting even though I still do it. I can't help it anymore I've become different now.'

_I'm fat, I'm thin, I'm short, I'm tall  
I'm deaf, I'm blind, hey, aren't we all_

'We are all deaf to the truth, all blind to the world. Why can't we just hear and see things for what they are. I don't understand why we have to control things and fix them so much. That's what I do though, I fix people's problems because I need to help people and get them to understand just how much pain we all feel.'

_Don't laugh at me  
Don't call me names  
Don't get your pleasure from my pain  
In God's eyes we're all the same  
Someday we'll all have perfect wings  
Don't laugh at me._

'Please don't laugh at me anymore. I'm not perfect, please though the ridicule hurts.' I sang the last words of the song when I heard the booming of extremely loud music about two blocks from the school. Knowing now who it was I didn't want to turn around, but then I do only to be positive of who it is. I also knew I didn't want to turn around because I was crying. That wouldn't be smart, but still I turned around slowly.

----

**A/N:  
Yup, that's chapter one.  
I have no idea what I'm doing with this story.  
Just kind of a BAM let's write type of thing.  
Read and Review of anything you want to hear in this story.  
I'll be glad to, attempt, work it in.  
;D**


	2. Movies

**A/N:  
Enjoying it?  
Reviews would be appreciated.  
:D**

----

Jay's blue eyes bore into mine and I did not like what I saw, passion and lust for none other then me. A black hat twisted backwards on his head and his orange civic, his baby, surrounding him. That devilish smile encased his face yet I couldn't turn away, and I knew he saw my tear stained face when his eyes became soft and a confused look followed. His car pulled over to the sidewalk where I stood and climbed out. His stature was much bigger than mine so I had to tilt my head up to see him. After not seeing him for about half a year I should've been excited see as we have become such good friends. Best friends, I guess you could say.

"Em, sweetie what's wrong?" He asked pulling me into a hug merely I sniffled and clung to him as I cried more. I hadn't told him much that's happened to me and I wanted to. Yeah, it shocked me to when Jay could be such a nice guy and so willing to help someone he despised for such a time. Spinner made us become friends since him and Jay are like bro's and I'm Spin's girlfriend. Oh, yeah about that we've been dating for eight months now.

I felt his lip gently kiss the top of my head, sometimes he felt like a father figure to me, other times a big brother, but more so my best friend or my hero.

"Everything." I mumbled and cried a little more.

"Ah, hun it can't be that bad." His hands rested on my shoulders as he sort of pushed me away as if to inspect me. I knew what he would come upon would distress him more then anything. A tight, grey, hoodie reading 'Cauterize' in blue letting covered my torso, underneath was a pink spaghetti strap with lace lining the top, a cute, jean, mini skirt covered whatever it did of my legs, and a pair of black Ked's hid my feet. This outfit wouldn't come as a surprise to anyone but him, I didn't wear hoodies unless they were zip up and only came to just before my rib cage ended. "Okay it can be." He sighed and wiped away my tears with his black hoodie sleeve.

"It is." A smile wouldn't cross my face and I was freezing now it was late October and the chill was covering me. I felt so much safer and warmer in Jay's arms at this point.

"Alright, let's get you to school babe so you aren't late." He opened the passenger side door for me and let me climb in. I watched as he scurried to the driver's side and he turned on the heat for me. I took his right hand between mine, his hands were always warm. A grin crossed his face and I kissed his cheek, I swear he was always doing this stuff for me.

"Em, babe you gunna tell me what happened?" His voice cracked a little and I smiled, I knew just how worried he was about me. Pulling my mascara out of my purse as we entered the school I applied it briskly and re-did my eyeliner too. I blotted my face with a wet napkin to make the tears disappear. Any make-up besides my eyeliner or mascara was gross I wouldn't touch it unless forced by someone like Manny.

"Movie party tonight?" I asked with a grin on my face, "I'll tell you then, just the two of us." This stuff was done all the time. He'd bring me home after school, I'd grab my stuff and we'd head to his house and watch movies all night and come to school half asleep the next day. Spinner didn't mind anymore, he knew nothing would happen between Jay and me.

"Alright." Jay said getting out of the car. "Come on Greenpeace." He laughed, it was a joke I knew he was probably the only one I didn't care about calling me Greenpeace. He picked me up over his shoulder and my bag hit his back as he carried me up the stairs his hand covering the end of my skirt so no one would see. I screamed up the stairs and continued to laugh within the scream. Seeing Spinner he carried me to him and placed me gingerly in front of my dear boyfriend.

"Hi Spin." I grinned and kissed him lightly.

"Hi Emma." A smile crossed his face. "How was your morning with the troublemaker?" He asked eyeing Jay, I figured he thought something was going on between us.

"Seeing my best friend after six months, hell what could've been better?" I said smiling as I hit Jay in the chest.

"Ah, Jay how was it being away from here for six damned months?" Spinner asked him.

"I missed you guys like crazy. Sadly, missed Degrassi too, Mrs. H is crazy enough to let me catch up and actually do my senior year." A chuckled escaped his throat and the warning bell rang.

"Have fun being a senior, hun." I said hugging him and kissing his cheek lightly.

"Have fun being a junior." He said to me, stupid boys' were seniors and I was still just a junior. I kissed Spinner again, "Bye dorks." I said and disappeared to my locker to grab my stuff. I bounded off to English.

"Hey Manny." I said sitting next to her in a perky voice and a geeky smile.

"Hi dork-a-rella." She said hugging me and laughing. "I saw you and Jay today, wow you two are interesting."

"He started it, the stupid idiot like to start stuff but that's okay I still love him." We gossiped all through English, world history, algebra, and photography. Finally, lunch was here and we ran off to find Jay, Spinner, and Sean. We found them already chowing down, wow they couldn't wait for us.

I snatched Jay's apple and munched on it while Manny attempted to steal an apple but got hit so I snagged Sean's and tossed it to her. She laughed when the boy realized his apple was missing.

"I want a chocolate milk shake so bad, and some fries. Jayyyy will you go get us some?" I smiled my charming smile, I knew Spin wouldn't get up and get it and neither would Sean, but Jay would.

"Fine ladies." He said returning five minutes later with a milk shake and fries. Placing it on the table Manny snatched the shake and I grabbed the fries, we knew all to well the boys' would snatch it in an instant.

We dipped the fries in the shake it was so good sweet and salty. It was heaven. Quickly we finished our food as the boys' looked almost disgusted at us eating fries in a milk shake, it was good though.

"You've got to try it sometime." Manny said with a grin on her face.

"My girlfriend is gross." Sean said indicating Manny, yeah they're dating now two months I think.

"Hell mine is too." Spinner said laughing at me. Jay just laughed.

"Shut up idiots." Manny and I said at the same time and walked off to gym class. Yeah gym after lunch ew. Indoor track day, even worse.

"Alright get running." The P.E. teacher said once we were all in our lines and stretched out. Manny and I took the lead easily and ran the entire class, stupid freaking teacher. As we left the locker room I downed a bottle of water. I looked okay now but whatever I only had chemistry left today, with Manny of course. We ran off to class and took our usual seats. I don't have any idea what the teacher said apparently some lab test tomorrow on chemicals, okay I knew that all easy. We laughed and talked some more and finally no more school, for the day.

"Manny are you going back to my house today?" I asked as we tossed stuff in our lockers, her locker was across the hall from mine.

"I'm going later I'll be at Sean's." She said smiling, oh boy they'd be doing something.

"Alright well I'll be at Jay's for a movie night. You know how to reach me." I heard her laugh a little as I shut my locker.

"And you're laughing at what Manuella?" I asked as we walked towards the front doors.

"How can you hang out with Jay and not do a thing with him?" She asked as she saw Spinner, Jay, and Sean all outside.

"Because he's my best friend, it's not hard. Why?" I questioned stepping out the front doors Manny following.

"He's _hot_ Em." Was all she said before we approached the guys. Okay, so what he was definitely hot but it didn't faze me.

"Hi Spin." I said hugging him and kissing him. He kissed me back, but not as full of passion as usual he was totally off today. Manny was over making out with Sean dandy. I watched them leave in Sean's blue Impala.

"Hey Em. Jay told me about your movie night, don't have too much fun." He chuckled a little and smiled. I kissed him again before he climbed into a red tahoe and drove off.  
"What's with him today?" I asked Jay as we got into his civic and pumped the volume up. I plugged my iPod in and turned on my favorite band, Cauterize. We sang the songs together as he let me out at my house to grab my stuff.

I ran into my house and grabbed a pair of black booty shorts, a light blue spaghetti strap, a thong, a bra, my toothbrush, camera, and purse. I crammed everything in then grabbed a blue skirt for tomorrow and a light pink Linkin Park shirt from my closet.

"Snake. Spike. I'm going to Jay's for a movie night." I yelled and shut the door, they were used to this now, he used to come to my house all the time to watch movies but now we go to his.

I climbed quickly into Jay's car and we took off towards his house. The contents of my purse scattered about his car. I folded stuff and placed it back in. Tomorrow on our way to school I'd toss my clothes from today in the back seat and retrieve them when he dropped me off at home.

"Emma, why do you do this every time?" He asked staring at my thong and bra sitting on his dashboard. I had forgot again and tossed them in my bag.

"Sorry Jayson." I said laughing, he was totally used to it, which I knew but he could be a boob sometimes.

----

**A/N:  
Will something happen between Emma and Jay?  
What exactly must she tell him?  
Anyone want a say in that.  
Reviewwww.**


	3. Best Friends

**A/N:  
New chapter. ;D  
Read and Review.  
I need some ideas I suppose.  
Anything you want to happen?  
Between Emma and Jay?  
Or something else?  
Do inform.**

----

"Come on Emmmm!" Jay yelled at me as he started tickling me, we had just finished watching Cinderella. Yes, I made him watch it.

"Jayyy, stop it." I cried, I couldn't control my laughter anymore I was rolling about on his couch tears streaming from my eyes from continuously laughing. If someone came in and saw us in this position something would definitely seem wrong, wow let me tell you. His knees rested on either side of my hips, he had one of my hands pinned against the couch arm and was tickling me with his free hand while I attempted to hit him, which wasn't working too well. My hand could really only make decent contact with his rib cage.

"You gunna tell me yet?" He whispered in my ear. Finally, he had stopped dancing his fingers upon my skin. His eyes were staring intently into mine, so badly I wished to tell him, but I couldn't.

"I'm gunna change then I'll tell you. Promise." I said and kissed his cheek lightly. He fell back onto the couch and looked at me hopelessly, he didn't believe me. I grabbed my bag from the floor and headed into his room to change. Pulling off all my clothes I changed into my booty shorts and tank top. Looking in the full length mirror I smiled and tossed my hair up quickly. Searching about his room I found a small-ish hoodie and pulled it on. It reeked of him and weed, but that's okay. It was black in color and had cKy in red lettering across the chest. Only slightly baggy I kind of liked it. I'd wash it tonight and steal it like usual.

"Emma grab my black pajama pants for me when you come out." He said turning on another movie, I heard the background noises it was definitely Garfield. Snatching the pants from the floor I took them to him and dropped my purse on the floor. "My hoodie again?" He questioned as he raised one eyebrow.

"Uh huh." I replied as he took his pants. I turned about so he could change.

"Okay. And you look gorgeous without a hoodie you know." I think the wrong idea struck him after he said that. My eyes wondered up and down his body, he was in a pair of black pajama pants, blue boxers, and no shirt. A six pack and muscular arms, my lord he was hot, damn you Manny.

"No! Jay, I am not anorexic or bulimic I swear." His brow shifted a little but he relaxed only slightly.

"Come on Em." He grabbed me into a hug. "What is it babe?" My body fell into him and I wrapped my arms around his waist, I love him as my best friend, and I know I can tell him anything but I don't want him to do something stupid. "Sweet heart you reek of weed." He laughed a little, "Come on let me wash the hoodie real quick. I'll grab you a clean one, you can wear this tomorrow if you want."

"Okay." I replied, he tugged my hand and we walked to his laundry room. When he turned around I took it off quickly tossed it on his head and crossed my arms quickly. I stood there in a light blue spaghetti strap and I felt so naked. The lace of it showed off almost too much cleavage and it didn't completely cover my tanned stomach. The washed dials turned and he poured in some stuff and turned around with a dark blue hoodie with 'Live. Love. Lost,' written across the chest in a light blue cursive scrawl.

"Em, you're so gorgeous why are you putting on a hoodie?" He asked me his eyes drilling me for the answer. Grabbing the hoodie with my left hand I slipped my right arm in then my left and pulled it over my head only to see horrified eyes afterward. "Why Emma, why?!" He pleaded pushing me against the wall, he didn't do it hard and his hands ripped at the right sleeve and pushed it to my elbow.

My eyes would not leave him even as tears started falling down my cheeks. It was the first time I had ever seen him cry. I slid down the wall my back still pressing against it. Looking up to see his body looming above me his tears rolling down I felt so horrible. "Jay, don't be mad." I whispered almost inaudibly.

"Emma, baby come here." He spoke firmly and held out his hands to me. I grabbed them tight and he wrapped his arms around me. I felt so damn safe in his arms, I never wanted to leave. Before I knew it he was carrying me like I was a bride on a honeymoon and brought me to the couch. "We'll watch a movie, and you can tell me about it later." He set me down on the couch then sat next to me. Sinking down onto the couch I rested my head on his legs and rolled onto my side to watch Garfield. He stroked my hair throughout the movie as if I'd disappear without his touch, I knew he worried about me so much, and I love him for it but it hurt to know if something happened to me his world would come crashing down.

"Jay why does the world have to be so cruel." I began to cry once the movie ended, I really didn't want to tell him about anything I've done and what's happened to me.

"I don't know Emma, I really don't." He shook his head slowly as I got up to sit against the arm rest. Horror filled my body as I knew I'd have to tell him, tell someone for the first time besides my diary. He scooted closer to me and I kicked my feet onto his lap to get more comfortable. "You gunna tell me now?" He asked, and I didn't want to answer, I'd rather sit in the deafening silence then speak the words. I shook my head slowly, I really didn't want to tell him.

"Come on sweetie, why'd you start cutting?" His voice slashed the air, and I wanted him to take it back, I didn't want to hear those words. Mostly, I didn't want to be like Ellie, I wanted to be Emma the good girl, the smart one.

"It was the only way I could let the horror and pain out." My sobs were echoing in my head and I hated the way it made me feel.

"Emma what're you talking about?" He asked me, I really didn't want to say the words now.

"I was r-r-raped, at a party, someone put it in my drink and I don't know I woke up nearly through it all. I didn't know the guy and, and, I didn't know what to do so I started screaming and he hit me. Jay, why did it happen to me?" I asked seeing the stunned look on his face, oh my god how badly I wanted to kill that guy for doing that to her, to any girl.

"Emma, baby come here." He said holding out his arms. I crawled into his lap crying my eyes out, I don't think he knew what else to do. "Does anyone else know?"

"No." I sobbed onto his bare chest and wiped my tears with the hoodie sleeve. I felt so vulnerable, so sick, and so disgusted with myself now.

"When did this happen?" His voice cracked slightly, I was destroying him and I was feeling worse and worse by the second.

"Three months ago." I whispered not wanting to look up at him I stared at the sleeve it put me into a comfort zone for some reason.

"You're not pregnant are you?" Was the first question that came out of his mouth and I simply shook my head, I wasn't I got tested about three weeks after, and I've had my period the last two months. "You're sure?" I nodded my head again. "So this is why you've been cutting? It helps numb that memory?" Two questions in one but I could nod my head to both. He kissed my forehead and hugged me close.

"Why was it me Jay?" I questioned him snuggling my arms close to me and easing myself so my head rested against his shoulder and I was sitting sideways so my legs were off to the side of him.

"Maybe you're just so gorgeous and the guy could never get you in his wildest dreams, so he did this. Why didn't you tell Spin?" He questioned rubbing my arm gently trying to soothe me of this pain.

"I thought he'd freak really bad, and I don't know but he can't know." I felt like such a baby right now it was horrible.

"Em, hun let's watch a funny movie make you smile. How about Grandma's Boy?" He asked and I nodded it was my favorite movie, and I love it a lot. I let him get up to put in the DVD and when he sat back down I snuggled in close to him, his body heat was radiating onto me and it felt good to be so warm. My knees were pulled up to my chest my feet just under his legs, my hands covered in the hoodie sleeve balled up to my face, my head resting against Jay, and my body as close as I could get it. His arm was wrapped around me making sure I'd stay right there.

I laughed so hard throughout the movie, I forgot something was wrong, and being with my best friend helped so much. Being in his arms made me feel so safe and so innocent, the outside world didn't matter when I was with Jay, until the doorbell rang. It was about six so it really could be anyone I guess. The warmth left my body as Jay got up to answer the door and I sat back on the couch waiting for him to return.

The door creaked open and I heard nothing but silence, only silence. That didn't seem like such a good sign to me.

----

**A/N:  
Who is at the door?  
-shrugs-  
What's gunna happen?  
I don't know yet.  
Any ideas?**


	4. Turn Back The Silence Is Deafening

**A/N:  
The Calendar Girl-  
Ah, you must keep in mind the title of the story.  
:D  
I'll tell the truth when you do.**

Anything you kids wish to see?  
Review.

----

**(Jay's Point of view)  
**  
"Alex what are you doing here?" I questioned staring at my ex-girlfriend, who apparently was dressed rather nice, maybe for me.

"I'm here to see you, are you going to let me in?" She questioned me and I stepped out the door and shut it behind me, Emma didn't need to hear this.

"Alex, I don't care about you anymore. Why are you really here?" I asked almost furious with her, why wasn't she with Paige or something.

"Jay who the hell is inside?" She started getting mad and I could see it in her eyes.

"Someone I care about. Go away." I snapped at her, I was sick of seeing her in front of me, and near my damn house.

"Who the hell is in there?" Her voice barked at me, this wasn't what I imagined coming from her.

"Someone you shouldn't give a shit about." A grin came onto my face, damn how I missed being a jerk. I heard the back door shut and feet hitting the ground. "Damn it." I mumbled.

"Who?" I really hate her for what she's doing to me. She stepped up next to me and I guessed she was trying to be sexy. I looked down at her and she kissed me.

"What the hell Alex?!" I yelled at her and pushed her back. "Get away."

"Jay, don't you love me anymore?" She batted her eyelashes and tried to do some sort of smile.

"No, I never did get away from my damn house and there won't be any problems." Now there was real anger lacing through my words. Fury was building up, I had no idea where Emma was disappearing to and I was dealing with Alex.

"What's wrong with you?" She asked as I went back into my house slamming the door in her face. That didn't stop her from opening the door and coming in. I pulled a hoodie over my head and called Emma's cell phone to see it ringing on the table a few feet from me.

"Hogart, look at me and tell me nothings wrong." She snarled, god how I hated her right now.

"Alex, everything's wrong because you're here. GO AWAY!" I screamed at her grabbing my keys off the table and I walked out the door. "Get the fuck away from me." I screamed seeing her close the front door behind her as I got into my car. Slamming the door and turning the ignition quickly I saw her going for my car, lurching off down the street I saw her looking in dismay at me.

"Emma where the hell are you." I tapped my hands on the wheel, where on earth would she go.

---  
**(Emma's Point of view)**

I could hear them talking outside the house and I knew what would happen when Alex saw me so I took off. Running faster then I ever have before I headed to the ravine and I don't even know why. It was a stupid place to go and now I felt like an idiot but here I lay on a picnic table. Maybe I was awaiting Jay or maybe I was just trying to cool off.

Right now I realize how bad of a friend I am to him. Continuously I lie to him just like I did before about the rape. The rape happened but not like that. And I didn't tell Spinner because I cared too much to hurt him. No, I'm not the perfect angel I was and I've had sex with Spinner twice. He doesn't know about my cutting though, and it's starting to get bad. Really I didn't have the heart to tell him how bad I was getting.

I fell in love with Spinner and I care about him, it hurts to know he has yet to notice my changes but I'm sort of glad he hasn't. Sometimes though I wonder if he does know but he's too scared to ask. Right now I wish I could see him just to fall into his arms and confess everything. 'I'll tell the truth when you do.' I don't remember what that was from, a song maybe. At this point I feel like an idiot but I'm following that because Jay still hasn't told me the truth about a lot of stuff and neither has Spin.  
Rick, that goddamn bastard, I keep thinking about him and how insane he was. Why he won't stay out of my mind now I don't know. It feels like it was so long ago the shooting happened and it still scares me like hell. I could see the fear in his eyes and I saw the pain when he was shot. The contempt that rested in his eyes when the gun was at me though was horrifying. He would've done it and I know it.

"I didn't have the heart to tell you. It's really bad. It's really bad this time." I whispered as I looked up at the sky. It is bad this time, and now Cauterize lyrics run through my head like rapid fire. I can't keep them off my mind. Rolling over onto my stomach I pulled the hood over my head and rested my forehead on my crossed arms in front of me. The cold was covering my aching legs but it felt good. This pain was becoming so unbearable. I really wanted to just die right here reality was mixing with fantasy too much now and I didn't like where it was heading.

The rumble of that car, that engine, I knew it all too well. Damn it Jay how'd you know to look here. "How on earth did he find me?" I mumbled quietly to myself and kept laying there, my face was streaked with tears and my eyes were red. "Please don't come over here." I whispered to myself, I didn't want to face the person I lied to with such ease. Damn it Jay I hate you for this.

"Emma Nelson. Why the hell did you come here?" Oh, lord he was really mad now and I really didn't want to look at him so I stared at the back of my eyelids. "EMMA! Why here, why?" He questioned, I wanted to tell him to shut up this was horrific. "You didn't think I'd find you huh?" His feet were coming closer and closer maybe four feet from me.

Just scream 'Shut up,' come on you've done it before, but that was before he was your best friend. That was before he didn't matter in your life. Now he does.

"Why the hell would you come here?" He stopped talking for now. My lips were trembling and another song in my head. "And my lips tremble from this silence, silence, silence. I'd rather chew razorblades then speak the words I want to say.' God, how I wanted to scream at him and tell him to stop interrogating me, and how badly I wanted to yell the truth about everything. How I hated to lie to this guy, damn you to hell Jason Hogart, you're making me mad.

"Emma answer me!" His voice was raised and now I was scared, but I didn't want to answer. I didn't want to admit to my fault and let him win this time.

"JAY SHUT UP!" I screamed hard and loud, people were staring but I knew that they didn't matter. I was more so speaking to the wood of the table then to Jay, but I used his name.

"Emma, why the hell did you come here?!" He screamed again, damn you Jay didn't you hear me yell.

"SHUT UP!" I screamed again, why wouldn't he listen to me I didn't want to hear him, damn it.

"Em," His voice got soft, "I'm sorry." Was all he said and I heard him retreat. I peered over my arm to see where he was going, and he shut his door to sit there, waiting for me maybe. Why did he have to be such a hard ass? He didn't even try to start his car, I put my head back into my arms, and I hate him for this.

Is it possible to tell Jay the truth about it all? Hell I don't know but I question why he can't tell me things that are going on in his life. I almost miss being enemies with him, so close to it but not there. The intense silence surrounding me actually started to hurt my ears. 'So turn back the silence is deafening. Turn back don't let them see you again. They make the rounds at the midnight hour and on the clock it's just a minute away.' cKy you torture me now. Why must you get into my head and why must you make me need to speak with Jay?

I sat up on the table and put my legs over onto the bench and looked at him inside his car, should I stay or should I go. Amy was hanging over his car window, talking to him I guessed. I saw anger covering him though; he didn't want to see her. I heard him tell her to go away, made me laugh a little as she walked by me with a frown and I don't know resentment.

"He wants you, I hope you know that." She said wandering by.

"What?" I asked looking at her.

"He _wants_ you." What exactly did she mean by that, did he want me to go over there or did he want to be my boyfriend. Sitting there I sat and debated between the two and I was already leaning towards the first. The latter seemed too unlike Jay. My arms pressed against my legs and held my head. I wanted to talk to him, I miss his company but I can't go over there. Damn you to hell Amy for making me doubt just being friend's with him, and you Jay for destroying me like this. Bringing my eyes up I looked to see him in his civic leaning far back in his seat and listening to music as he sulked. His head was tilted back over the headrest and his eyes closed, mouthing moving to the lyrics. 'Dare You To Scream' by Cauterize was playing I knew it all too well. It merely just began, I watched his mouth form the words and I was singing it. The song was changed though, 'Choke' by Cauterize this time.

"There's nothing that I can say to make you want to stay here with me forever. There's nothing that I can do to make you want me like I need you." Stupid words, stupid song. Why didn't you keep 'Dare You To Scream' on?

"Just give me one last chance to say this. Just give me one last chance to say what's on my mind and I will get it right. If I could only get my head above the water for a moment of your time. But you seem so strong and I can't hold my breath for long. Have you ever tried to scream under water? You'll choke. You'll choke." My voice was ringing softly around me and I continued the song. I knew it way too well.

"You said I always sang too loud to sing you a love song. Well I save my soft voice for the things I really mean. You always said I had a hard time saying what's on my mind. Well, here it goes: I hate you for what you've done to me." The lyrics were twisting in my head and I didn't want to know why.

"Just give me one last chance to say this. Just give me one last chance to say what's on my mind and I will get it right. If I could only get my head above the water for a moment of your time. But you seem so strong and I can't hold my breath for long. Have you ever tried to scream under water? You'll choke. You'll choke." I still question why on earth this song gets to me these days.

"When the last word's been said and the last tear's been shed, I will miss you, miss you my friend. And I can't tell you lies. Even after all these years I still cry." I still cry every night only because you're never really there for me. I hate you for this Jay. Now 'Closer' by Cauterize was playing. These words I knew too and I sang them softly. No, I don't hate you Jay I hate Cauterize for putting these words in my mouth.

Within half an hour eight different girls' went by his car to talk to him, apparently he didn't want anything from them. At one point I saw him on his cell phone, whether he made the call or received it I am unsure. I think he had the call about ten minutes ago and for some reason I expected something bad out of it. I watched when he freaked a little from the vibration of his phone and he turned around in his seat once he looked at the caller ID. Craning my head I looked over his car and saw two people I didn't need to see right now.

Jay you can be a real asshole, why did you call them here. I laid back down on the table my head sitting in my arms staring through the cracks of the table now. Damn you Jay. DAMN YOU. I heard the car door open, heard rustling, then the shutting of a door. They weren't leaving though more than likely discussing something, and that something being me.

----

**A/N:  
What's going to happen?  
Who is she going to see?  
Are things going to be okay?**

I don't know, you kids tell me.  
I'm really just writing in time I have available.  
It's going to get hard soon because school  
is starting on the 20th and I still have my  
summer reading project to do, so I'm going  
to try super hard to post.  
Don't be mad if I can't.  
I love my reader's, and there's quite a few  
maybe they should review. :D

But off I must go, if I have time I'll post tonight or tomorrow.  
I've got my last day of Driver's Ed.  
D:


	5. I'll Always Thank You

**A/N:  
My mind is drawing blanks.  
I really don't know what to write.**

Anyways. There's no way Jay would admit to Alex now that he loved her, at this point in time.  
It sucks to admit to that, and Jay sure wouldn't do it after the break up.

Read and Review.

----

"What exactly are they doing here?" I mumbled, tonight was supposed to be a movie night with my best friend. Not a night to hear his screaming rage at the girl he had once loved, probably still did, his screaming at me, and finally them.

The car door opened again and the foot steps trodden leaves as their feet fell heavily across the ground as the person approached. The weight wasn't shifted evenly as if nervous and trying to be normal, it wasn't working.

"Emma." The voice whispered towards me. "Em." It came once more and followed with heavy silence. "Come on talk to me." The bench creaked under the weight of the person.

"Away." I mumbled. "Sean." The words were easily said, unlike I had with Jay.

"Emma, no come on talk to me. You used to tell me everything." A sigh was relieved from his body, heavy and thick. I had drawn him away from Manny, how sad, how horrible. Yet, he came here without her and I'm wondering why but I shan't ask that question.

"Used to." Mumbling again I couldn't say that straight faced to him, it just wasn't possible. Sighing once again I think he was debating on what to do now. "Why was Spin being so weird today?"

"You and Jay. He thinks something's up, I assured him there isn't you weren't like that. You are close to Jay though, why?" His voice was solid and I heard a lie within there, why could he never tell me the truth.

"Jay's my friend, and you're lying. You probably instilled it in his mind something was up." I snarled still not looking at him.

"I-no-I did not." Caught in a lie, what was he to do. "I never got that into him mind." I didn't understand how he wasn't lying now, he was lying about something but I didn't know what.

"You're lying about something Sean Cameron, spill it." I said peering one eye over the top of my arms.

"I am not." He was nervous, his voice had quickened, and he knew I caught him but he wouldn't give up. "I'll get Spin." He said walking away.

Feet calmly walked over, and I hadn't the slightest clue what Spin was going to do now. I wondered if Jay told him anything about what I had said.

"Emma. You gunna speak to me. If not I'll walk away now." He said calmly as he reached the bench, one person who respected my wishes and I was glad.

"Spin what was wrong today?" I questioned quickly merely to get it out of the way really I didn't even want to ask.

"It's more like what's been with you lately. I'm really worried." I could hear the worry in his voice, stricken with surprise, and laced with a lie.

"Bull." I said sternly. "You're afraid of something with Jay and me?"

"No, I'm not at all I completely trust the both of you." He spoke the truth this time, at this point I felt like I could work at a police station and be a lie detector.

"Then why were you being so weird?" The words fell from my mouth and bounced around on the ground, I have yet to speak to him directly. I was terrified to look at him I knew if I did I'd lose every question I had.

"I was-I'm sor-I don't know." Wow what a sentence formation. This really sucks.

"Spin are you cheating on me?" I had one more simple question to possibly find out why he was being so weird today.

"Emma, of course not I love you. Why would you think that?" He questioned without a hint of a lie in his voice. His words softened me and made me not want to ask my question, but I was still going to.

"Are you thinking of breaking up with me?" The last real question I had, I hope and I prayed I wouldn't get the answer I was dreading.

"Em, sweetie no I'm not. Come on look at me, why are you thinking these things?" Spinner reminded me of Sean in a lot of ways and I kind of liked that about him.

Sitting up I looked at him then to the ground, I felt terrible right now. "I wanted to figure out why you were being so weird today." I sighed slightly and looked back at him.

"I was just upset you were hanging out with Jay again, but then I was thinking about it and it's his first day back he should be with his best friend." He smiled a little, "Even if Jay is like my bro I'm glad you two are hanging out and have these fun little parties."

I sat on the bench of the table next to Spinner and hugged him tight in my arms and he hugged me back. I felt so much safer in Jay's arms but at this point I couldn't care less I loved being with Spinner. As we came from the hug he kissed my forehead lightly and there's no way I could be much happier. I took a quick glance at Jay's car and saw him smiling, I felt so proud.

Spinner kissed me gently as I was caught off guard I nearly forgot what I was doing. Quickly though I came to my senses and kissed him back. "Come on let's go back." He said standing up and taking my hand. "You still staying with Jay tonight?" He asked as we approached the car. I simply nodded, I wasn't gunna ruin a night with my best friend on earth. Pulling open the door I crawled in back with Sean.

"Emma am I dropping you off?" Jay asked starting his car up.

"No way, I wouldn't wanna completely destroy our movie night." I chanted as he backed up the car. He nodded and headed towards Spinner's house.

"So Sean what've you and Manny been doing?" I question almost afraid to know.

"Just hanging out." He replied, keeping any and all details to himself even though he knew I'd find out from Manny.

"Hey Sean can I see your wallet?" I asked, I was going to steal five dollars from him to get some ice cream tomorrow.

"Uh, sure." He said taking it from his back pocket and handing it to me. The leather rested in my hands as I pulled it open to see thirty dollars and the picture from our first date. I was going to ask why that was still there but I didn't. Snatching five dollars I handed him his wallet back.

"What was that for?" He asked as I put the money in my hoodie pocket.

"I wanted five dollars for ice cream tomorrow. Shut up." I said laughing. I was glad to still be friend's with Sean after the break up he was pretty cool.

"You owe me for this Emma Nelson." He pushed my shoulder with one finger and I laughed again. Jay looked through the mirror at us with that stupid, cocky, smirk that I've grown to love so much.

"Shoot no I don't." I laughed lightly as we pulled up to Spinner's house.

He turned around in the seat and kissed me then left shouting "Bye guy's." Jay sped off down the street to Sean's house as Sean hopped into the front seat.

"Jay you're such a loser." I said as he pulled up to Sean's house about five minutes later. The ride had been silent except for Linkin Park blasting on the radio.

"Bye Sean!" I said and hugged him.

"Bye Em, Jay." He said walking up to his house. I wondered how they had gotten to the Ravine. It took them a few minutes, I guessed they probably ran.

"Come on Emma." Jay said indicating to the front seat, I didn't think he'd want me riding shot gun. Crawling to the front seat I grinned at him and he knew. "What do you want Emma?" He asked almost reluctantly.

"Ice cream." I smiled even wider.

"Fine." He said driving to the ice cream parlor a few blocks down. As soon as we parked I was horrified to see Alex and Paige there but Jay didn't mind. Walking inside he put his arm around my shoulders and brought me close to him.

"What will ya have?" The man behind the counter asked.

"Cake batter ice cream with reeces." A grin crossed my face as Jay looked at me laughed a little. "In a waffle cone." I added quickly.

"And for you Jay?" The man said to Jay. I wondered how they knew each other.

"A chocolate milk shake." Jay laughed a little at the man.

I watched as the guy made Jay's milkshake and quickly tossed my ice cream together, not sloppily but well. He moved at such a pace I almost died from watching him move from the blender, to the ice cream and back.

"Seven dollars." He said handing me the milkshake and ice cream. Jay pulled out his wallet and handed him a ten awaiting his three dollars in change. As the guy handed it over I waited for a snide remark.

"Jay you've got a real catch here, but isn't she Spin's?" He questioned as Jay stuffed the money in his wallet and took his milkshake from me.

"Yeah, she is Spin's but I'm watching after her." They both laughed a little, I had no idea what they meant so I stood there silently. "Well, night Reg have fun." Jay said and took the lead in walking us out the door. As we passed Alex and Paige he glared at Alex for a mere second as she glared back. I didn't understand why they couldn't get along.

Climbing into his car I shut the door behind me. "Jay can we get some McDonalds?" I questioned him once he sat down. He looked over at me and laughed, why now.

"You're so fat Emma." He brought my head over and noogied me. What a jerk, but I laughed it was funny. I knew he was only kidding about the weight thing, but he knew I loved eating. "Of course." Driving off even further down the road we went through the drive-thru.

"I want fries and a double cheeseburger!" I howled at him and then took a bite out of my ice cream.

"Can I get to medium fries, two double cheeseburgers, and a lemonade." Jay said to the intercom box. Aw, he remembered I don't drink soda anymore, what a pal.

"Six dollars, first window please." The voice said and that's where we went. "You trying to make me go broke Nelson?" He said handing over the six dollars and drove to the second window to receive our food.

"Of course not Hogart." I said as I grabbed the bag from him and took out a box of fries and took his milkshake from his hand as he put the lemonade in the cup holder. Taking off the top of his milkshake he looked at me.

"You aren't." In a sarcastic but serious voice. I dipped a fry in his milkshake and ate it. I grinned dipped another in and stuck it in his mouth. "Wow, that's not bad." He said doing it himself then heading back to his house.

"Yeah, I told you. Jerk." I ate more fries in his milkshake as we pulled into the driveway. I had finished my ice cream and cone while Jay still had more then half of his milkshake left. As we walked into his house I carried the food and the lemonade. Sitting at the kitchen table I snatched a cheeseburger out and began eating it. He watched me wolf it down as he was merely a quarter way through his. I drank the lemonade and tried to snatch his milkshake but he was being mean and kept it on the far side of him. Awaiting him to finish his cheeseburger I glared at him still drinking the lemonade.

"You're so slow!" I complained, he had about two bites left.

"Yeah so?" He questioned finished his burger. "Now no milkshake for you." He smiled and dipped his fries into his milkshake, and ate others plain. I huffed loudly and he handed it over. I nearly finished my fries in the car and I looked at him when I saw I only had my last two in my hand. Dipping them in and I ate them. Snatching Jay's box I started dipping more. He snatched it back and dumped the rest in his mouth. So I gave him his milkshake as I finished the lemonade.

"You're mean." I complained and sat on the couch to stare at the blank TV.

"No I'm not." He clicked on the TV and plopped on the couch next to me.

"I wanna watch The Lake House." I said tapping the DVD case with my foot.

"Well, since I'm so mean I'll turn it on." He said as he put the DVD in and sat back down. "You and your damn chick flicks." He murmured and I laughed hugging him.

"What did you mean by watching me?" I asked thinking back to the Reg guy, I still wondered who he was, and I guessed just one of those druggie guys.

"I couldn't tell him you're my best friend, he'd rag on me." Jay said as he put his arm around my neck.

"So being cool is better then being my best friend? Wow, you're cool." I said scooting away from him.

"Emma I didn't mean anything by it and I'm sure he knows you're my best friend." Jay huffed and clicked play movie.

"Sorry." I muttered and scooted back over to him. I over react a lot, and I'm not exactly sure if I overreacted there or not. Was it bad he wouldn't tell people he was my best friend? I don't really know.

----

**A/N:  
Eh what to write?  
What do you want to happen?  
The chapter title had nothing to do with the chapter.  
But those lyrics played as I finished writing.  
;D**

Read and Review.  
Thank you.


	6. Beauty is Betrayal

But now I'm working on it I promise.  
I have full days of school now so this  
Will be done in my free time, and being  
In honors isn't a whole lot.

Jay was asleep by the end of the movie. I knew he'd be up in about an hour seeing as it's only ten. Really I don't understand why he was even sleeping that movie is good, but I'll make him watch 'Class' with me. Maybe 'Grease' too, just because I can. Crawling from the couch I tossed a blanket over Jay's slumbering body and walked out the front door keeping a shoe in the crack of the door to hold it open.

Scrambling around the backside of the garage I climbed in through the window and searched about for the thing I needed most right now. Knowing Jay worked on cars he would have it everywhere around here.

There it was, a blue box holding unused beauties. Right now I felt like a coke addict, not really knowing how that feels, always needing this fix, this relief, and this insane high. Snatching one of my beautiful friends I headed back out the window. This time I had to be careful getting back in the house. Jay couldn't hear me at all because he'd wake and know exactly what I was doing. Grabbing the shoe and door at the same instant I pulled my body quickly through the door and twister the handle to shut it gently. A relief ran over my body as I made it into the house. Quickly I looked over at Jay, his body twitching and he was biting his finger. A nightmare, he was trying to awake from it. I felt bad but I left him there and headed to the bathroom.

Quickly shutting the door behind me I took the cardboard from the majestic beauty resting in my hand and tossed it into the toilet.

I pushed the sleeve of the hoodie up and stared at the blade. There was no going back anymore, yet I still question how I was doing this at my best friend's house. Standing above the sink I let the blade slide across my left arm. Bleeding instantly I felt so good now the endorphins were kicking in.

Pushing it only a little harder I did it again and once more. Seeing them made me cry, which shouldn't have happened. I started balling my eyes out though as I looked at the blood dripping into the sink. One more cut across my arm I stared in disbelief as it had not made me happy to do this once more. Snatching at the black rag sitting on the counter I dabbed the blood and ran it under the water. I hated how this didn't hurt anymore at all but I was scared to kill myself. My tears had stopped falling as had a majority of the blood.

Now I began to feel the sweet high of endorphins working. Grabbing toilet paper I applied the pressure to make it stop. Sitting cross legged on the floor I stared at my barely scared legs. Sports, tripping, and a dog had caused the ones on my legs and now a blade would do the same. The blade pressed against the skin of my leg and tore it open seventeen times. These stung and it intrigued me. They weren't that long maybe an inch and I dabbed at the blood with a new clump of toilet paper. Tears began to fall again the pain was getting to me now.

"Emma what are you doing? Are you okay?" Jay asked through the door as his hand rapped gently upon it.

"I'm fine I was just thinking about something." The cuts on my arms had stopped bleeding finally and I tossed the toilet paper in the toilet. The cuts on my leg had slowed down a lot and I'm certain they were nearly done. I pulled down my hoodie sleeve and ran the blade under the water quickly and cast it aside on the counter. Sitting cross legged on the counter I hid the inside of my left leg, where the cuts are, with my right leg. The paper was pushed tight against it so it'd stop bleeding.

"Emma you don't sound okay, I'm coming in." He twisted the door handle and came in.

"What were you dreaming about?" I questioned the second he walked in the bathroom. He sat on the edge of the tub so he was right across from me.

"Just a nightmare." He replied looking away, I think he was ashamed of feeling fearful of something.

"What about?" I questioned this I really wanted to know. He looked so helpless now and when I saw him biting his thumb attempting to awake himself.

"You cutting yourself in here." His eyes staring at the rag sitting on the counter and he knew. His eyes caught the shimmering of the blade inches from the rag. The pain had subsided in my leg and I knew it was over. Discreetly I grabbed the paper from my leg and tucked it well into my hand and stuffed my hands into my pocket. I moved quickly now and jumped off the counter to throw the paper in the toilet and taking off down the hallway.

"EMMA!" He screamed as I ran into the kitchen and out the back door. I couldn't run like last time though, no it wouldn't work with these cuts on my legs. It felt like they were tearing at my muscle and I didn't know what else to do. I sat down in the grass hopefully to not be seen. I sat against his house as close as I could get. "Em come here." His voice wasn't soft, it was hardened and horrifying. I knew he wouldn't hurt me but I was making him mad. I don't even know how he saw me but he had. Picking me up and setting me at the kitchen table in one of the foldable chairs resting around it. "Stay."

I felt like a dog now. Watching him disappear into the bathroom and come out with the blade in his hand. Here was the lecture. The long and drawn out lecture.

"You think this is fun to use? Do you honestly think its fun to be your god damn best friend and see this shit on your arm?" He pushed my sleeve up to see my four brand new cuts. "And this shit on your leg?" Damn, he had seen it. "Do you know what it's like to see you put yourself through this pain? I bet you've never seen anyone you care about die from cutting or something stupid like it." I stared at him in disbelief as he pushed his sleeve up. "I'm teaching you a lesson Emma Nelson." I didn't think anyone was insane enough to put their own body in danger to prove a lesson.

"Jay don't!" I cried looking at him, "I'll stop I swear." Pleading to him, I didn't want to see this at all, it was beyond horrific. The blade caught his wrist and blood trickled from it. I didn't see his facial features change in the least.

"Do you honestly know what it's like to deal with this shit?!" He screamed at me and threw the blade in the empty sink.

"Yeah. I do actually you asshole." I began crying.

"How?" He questioned, he didn't believe me.

"Have you ever been raped?" I asked him tears streaming down my face, how I hated this all so much right now.

"Emma cutting isn't an excuse for that. You need to face it. Yeah I bet it sucks but you know its okay. It's over and gone now." Jay said sternly and he looked at his wrist to see the blood caking around the wound. At the sink he washed it off and dabbed it with a cloth.

"You wouldn't say that if it happened to you Jay." I retorted still staring at his cut, he was one hell of a friend, but also rather crazy.

"Yeah I would Emma. And you're lucky I didn't tell Spin or Sean today, because you know I'm just that damned nice. I'm checking you every day for this shit now. If I find a new cut I'm telling Spin and Sean, then we'll decide what to do with you." He was now sitting on the chair in front of me one arm resting on his leg the other holding the razor in the air. "You still want this worthless piece of shit?" He questioned twisting the blade in his hand.

"N-n-no." I stammered, staring at its shining glory I wanted it but wouldn't take it and I won't do it. No, I'm stronger then this.

"I'm going outside to smoke. Start a movie." He said grabbing a package of Marlboro cigarettes from the counter and snatching a lighter from near by. I knew I had really upset him and I really didn't know what to think of the situation, Spin and Sean didn't need to know and well neither did Jay, this was tough and painful. Walking back into the living room I turned on Grease.

Walking back into the kitchen and out the back door I leaned against the house staring at his eloquent body and gestures. The smoke curling from his mouth and the clouds forming above, it amazed me how something so simple and disturbing could be so beautiful. "Come here Em." I didn't think he even knew I was out here but I went and sat next to him. His arm wrapped around my shoulder and I leaned my head against his shoulder crying. Knowingly he didn't stop me, sniffling I looked up to see him blow another puff of smoke. He was beautiful in the weirdest way I could ever imagine.

---


	7. The Call

**A/N: REALLY short, I apologize.  
The next one will be much longer. ;D  
I already know what I'm writing.  
It'll be amusing I promise.  
Read and Review.  
Give me anything you want to hear.**

----

"Hm?" Jay questioned as I rested my head upon his shoulder. It had been five hours and two movies past that incident with cutting.

"It's three a.m. you want to go to sleep or watch another movie?" Yawning I peered up at him.

"Well, Em you look pretty tired you going to make it 'til five a.m.?"

"Yeah, I can. We can sleep from about five to eight and have half an hour to get to school." I said looking through the movies. Which to choose.

"Sounds good. Can you get ready in about fifteen minutes?" He questioned giving that dirty smirk.

"Hell yeah I can Jay, I was worried about your dumb ass." I retorted quickly and snatched American Pie off the movie rack and put it in. Turning around I caught Jay's eye and temptations seem to flourish between us. I wanted nothing more then to kiss him right then just to taste him again, last time I had felt anything like this was when I was at the Ravine with him so damn long ago.

His phone buzzed in his pocket, destroyed what could've been, but that could be a good thing. "It's Jay." He said picking up his phone. The words on the other line were muffled. My name was mentioned though.

"What?" The words hung in Jay's mouth barely audible, something happened, something bad. "Where are you?" Anger was now laced in his voice I really wanted to know what was happening.

"Yeah I've got Em with me." A long pause followed from Jay as the person on the other line continued to speak. "No, I'm not leaving her here." Jay sighed, the person was persistent. "I have to bring her with. Damn it Sean just tell me what the hell happened." He must have seen the look of terror on my face as he had quickly turned so I was out of his sight. As if to say out of sight out of mind, in this case though it seemed out of sight out of ear shot.

"Sean, stop stammering where are you?" A long pause, I strained to figure out what he was saying. "Dude calm down. Are you at home?" He questioned, I wish I knew exactly what was going on, I doubt Jay knew what happened. "Alright, I'm leaving. Em toss me my keys?" He asked indicating the keys resting on the table. I tossed them gently to him still trying to hear Sean. "No you idiot I'm not leaving her here. Just explain it when we get there." Jay had calmed down, so I guess maybe it was okay. God, I pray it was okay really.

"Come on let's go hun." He said handing me a pair of shoes and ushering me out the door.

"What happened?" I asked as we opened his car doors. Even if he knew he wouldn't tell me. No chance he would.

"I don't know Sean said something about Manny. She's not hurt though." He replied revving his engine and reversing from his driveway and heading back towards Sean's.

"Why didn't he just call Spinner?" I questioned as we pulled up to his house to see Spinner was already there. "Well, then never mind."

Slowly we got out of the car and the look Spinner threw my way I knew I wouldn't be able to see. They treated me like I was two.

"Dude, Sean said not to let Emma in." Spinner told Jay as we approached the door.

"But Manny's my best friend. Tell Sean to screw off." I replied as I pulled the front door open.

"Emma, he said not to. Just to send Jay in, wouldn't even let me go in the room." He told me as he pulled me into a tight hug.

"Any idea what happened?" Jay asked heading back to the only closed door. Spinner simply replied with a no.

Looking up I caught his brilliant brown eyes looking at me with such desperation for a kiss I smiled a little. He was so cute when he wanted to be. He kissed my forehead lightly and I glanced up at him as his lips crashed onto mine. It was the perfect moment, the one you would die for and it was ruined by Jay's loud voice. "WHOA! Well then. Hello. Jeezus." I knew that voice all too well. Something stupid had come about between the two and I was worried but about ready to laugh.

"What do you think they did?" He asked in a chuckle, Jay was his best friend he'd know the voice too.

"No idea, but I really want to know what happened. It sounds super interesting." I chuckled and kissed him again.

"Uh, Emma you wanna come in here?" Jay asked, I knew exactly how he was standing and where his hands were from his voice. He was slouched slightly on his right knee his left hand on the back of his head and his right hand in his pocket. That voice was far too familiar.

"NO! She can't!!!" Sean yelled out and I was already walking down the hall. "Spin don't you dare come in here, you either Emma."

I heard a muffled, not really a voice but the attempt of a voice from Manny. It was a desperate cry that I knew from her quite well. Still it did not sound quite normal. Walking up to the door I placed my hand on the door handle. "I'm coming in I swear." I said twisting the knob.

"Dude Emma no!" Sean cried out, too late.

My jaw dropped to the floor. Well, then is right. You never see this happen it's only in movies and strange, uh… never mind.

----

**A/N: Well then is right.  
What is it Emma has encountered?  
Welp, guess at it I suppose.  
Or just await my next chapter.  
READ AND REVIEW :DD**


	8. The Movie Plays Out

**A/N: Well guys funny chapter.  
It's interesting and it continues again. ;D  
Read and Review.  
Just so you guys know  
I am on winter break so I can post much more often.**

**----**

You know those things that only exist in movies; that _have_ to be made up. You know like the freshman getting put in garbage cans by juniors and seniors. Or that nerd that gets a blow job on prom night? Or the ugly guy who gets the drop-dead gorgeous girl in the end? Well, this is one of those well known scenarios.  
I stood next to my best friend staring in awe at what had happened, literally needing to just fall over laughing I held it in. Spinner needed to see this. And the strangest connection was between us all.

Sean was my ex-boyfriend, Manny is my best friend, and Jay is the boy who has become my best friend, then Spin is my boyfriend. Spin it to Jay now. Sean's his best friend, Manny is his ex BJ pal, I'm his best friend, and Spin is like his brother. Sean's turn; Manny's his little whore, I'm his ex, Jay's his brother, and Spin's his best friend. Manny now; I'm her best friend, Sean's her pimp (or so we'll call him), she used to give Jay BJs, Spin's her ex-lover. Now to Spin, I'm his girlfriend, Jay is his brother, Sean's his brother, and Manny is his ex lover, guess you knew all that already but still it needed to be said.

This room I was accustomed to, and this scene not so much really. Just saw it in a movie once, and heard about it in another. Rather funny and quite disturbing I will admit. Jay seemed just as perturbed as I am at this current moment, yet I knew he was stifling a laugh and I knew Spin was dying to come in here and know what happened. You know it'd be funny if he came in here seeing as Sean's my ex, Manny's his ex, Manny's my best friend, and Sean's his. Wow, this really is a mixed up friendship.

I buried my face in Jay's chest as I burst out into laughter, his arm wrapped around me laughing too. Someone honestly had to laugh and I broke it with Jay now following. The look Sean gave me was hysteric, I am so sorry but this is the perfect scene yet so crazy. That was when I knew Spin couldn't take it anymore, I heard his feet crossing the floorboards down the hall and there he was. Covering his mouth, tears streaming down his face of pure humor, and this could not have gotten _any_ better let me tell you.  
To tell you the truth I didn't exactly look at the whole scene but now that I am I'm not sure if I'll be alive after laughing so hard. There was some warming sensations lube, edible panties (don't make me explain on who), lit candles, furry handcuffs (don't make me explain restraining who), a nice neat bed, a pair of furry pink stripper boots on Manny, a lovely shimmering pole a few feet over from the bed, clothes strewn about, and now noticing it's the two of them naked (except for Manny's boots). I found it to no surprise, I'd seen Sean like that, Spin and Jay had seen Manny naked. It was honestly nothing but hilarity in its truest form.

Now the scene upon this nice neat bed was disturbingly hilarious. You ever hear of the girl who got stuck giving a guy a blow job? Well, today that'd be Manny. I remember seeing a movie; they made the girl sing to loosen her throat that I doubt would work here. Manny's tongue ring was somehow entwined with the piercing Sean had for some reason got done down there.

To tell the truth I'd really, rather not discuss Sean's penis, but he was thick and decent sized. Who knows? Still, the edible panties on him added a nice little touch and that nice lubed up body of his. Good lord, this couldn't be any better for me.

Jay, Spin and I made a huddle and talked through our laughter and decided on our plan but we honestly had to know what was going on in their minds.

"Sean do explain how this happened?" Jay asked politely stifling his laugh.

"Jay don't make me explain it. Come on seriously what do you think happened?" Sean asked looking ever so desperate.

"So how mad are you gunna be if one of us has to do something to your girl to get her off?" Jay asked glancing towards Spin and I.

"Don't touch her." He said sternly. Well, too damn bad Sean someone's going to have to. We have three plans devised. Jay was about to execute plan A.

Jay's hand flew forward and slapped Manny's ass. Her eyes went wide. But it did nothing.

"Dude, totally unnecessary." Sean yelled at him. Jay came back over to us.

"Shut up it was plan A." Jay said looking between us. Okay plan B was going to suck. But it totally wasn't up to me.

"Alright dude, give her a titty twister." Spin said complete cool, as if nothing affected him.

"That's insane NO WAY!" Sean retorted. Wow, this is going to get interesting huh?

"Fine then someone's pinching your fucking balls dude." Spin made those words seem almost sing-song and it was rather amusing.

"You best come up with another plan and quick assholes." He was getting hostile.

Back to our huddle, well this has to be the most interesting day, morning, night whatever this is, _ever_.

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**A/N:  
Welp, how's that for interesting?  
Trust me I have more to write to it.  
What an interesting site for them.  
Must say it's pretty funny.  
Read and Review, thanks.**


	9. Unbelievable

**A/N:  
So this story needed some good hearted drama. ;D  
And here it comes.  
**  
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"You know Sean this is totally your fault you didn't need to get that pierced." I told him still trying to think of a way out of this.

"I so did… you're right I didn't but it was cool." He replied.

"Why don't we just take the hand cuffs off him and have him solve it himself?" Jay asked eyeing the furry pink cuffs wrapped on his arms attaching him to the bed.

"One problem with that… I lost the keys." Sean eyed me suspiciously and then I knew he had accidentally swallowed them. Those looks told everything.

"I think we should just leave them for dead." Spinner said leaning against the doorway.

"What if we got Manny to open her mouth wider?" Jay asked.

"Is it humanly possible to?" Spin asked in a semi-joking matter.

"Or what if someone could get the hands in Manny's mouth? There may be enough space." Jay retorted.

"What good would that do us?" Spin asked, seemingly like he had no idea.

"To get one of their rings undone you idiot." I told him thinking Jay's plan may work. "Totally not me though!" I yelled quickly thinking they'd stick me with that job.

"Dude, that'd mean one of us, would have to touch his dick, fucking gross dude. NO WAY!" Spin yelled.

"You know I don't want any of you touching my dick." Sean retorted and looked between all of us.

"Well dude, it's probably your only choice; this is totally your fault." Jay responded and rested his back against the door frame. This situation was only getting worse and worse.

Walking over to the bed I looked at the space around Sean's penis "Manny open as wide as you can." I told her soothingly, this was really disturbing but I'd make the best of it. Raking my fingers gently over Sean's penis and glancing over to him I saw his look transform to automatic heaven and tranquility, just a little trick I picked up. Placing my thumb, pointer, and middle fingers into Manny's mouth and gripping her tongue ring with my thumb and pointer I twisted the ball bearing with my middle finger. Once the ball fell I hooked it with my finger and thumb and pushed down Manny's tongue to remove the post and out came Sean's penis and Manny's mouth now relaxed. Grabbing her tongue ring from Sean's Prince Albert piercing I made Manny open her mouth and I placed the piercing back in letting her tighten in.

"Wow, that was really gross." Jay said hugging me and let me go so I could go see Spin. I kissed him lightly and smiled.

"Jay take me back to your place, I need a shower." I smiled lightly, "Also, I'm tired."

"You three have fun." Jay said as we walked out.

"Bye Spin!" I yelled opening the front door, and Jay shut the door behind him.

"Mmmm Jay what time is it?" I asked as we opened his car door. Starting the ignition we both looked at the clock three fifty. Wow.

We both started laughing and rode home listening to Cauterize; it was at just the right volume, not too loud and not too quiet.

Pulling into his driveway I jumped out of the car and up the stairs into his house and he was closing in on me. That's when he got me. Jay somehow whirled me around and put my stomach over his shoulder. His right arm rested on my back and his left dangled at his side. My feet kicked and he laughed, this was our true best friend moments. He brought me into the bathroom and stepped out. "Little lady get in the shower and then I have to wash up once you're in okay?"

"Sounds good." I said turning on the shower. Taking off my clothes I dropped them on the floor and jumped in the shower. "Alright!" I yelled over the water and he walked in the bathroom.

Running the water over my body I looked around for the shampoo. "Jay where's the shampoo and conditioner?" I asked peering out of the curtain.  
"Oh here." He said handing me two bottles with one hand. Grabbing them I returned to the shower. Sitting on the seat in the shower I covered my hair in shampoo I lathered it in and closed my eyes as I waited for the shampoo to set in. I heard the curtain rustle but thought nothing of it I mean Jay was in the bathroom too. Peering through one eye I saw him standing there, naked in the shower with me. Completely shaven except his arm pits, and oh boy was it sexy. His six pack riffling under the water, oh good lord what a surprise. Did he forget I was in here or did he plan this or was he not thinking?

When he stepped out to put the shampoo in his hair I stepped under to wash it out of my hair. Closing my eyes and tilting my head back slightly to let the water cover my hair. Why was I just standing in this shower naked with Jay? Quite frankly I have no idea. Why had he just walked in here? I really did want to know that. I opened my mouth to ask why he was in there shower but instead his lips crashed upon mine. I didn't stop him either oh no I did not retreat from this sexy kiss. Pushing on through the kiss, I'm not sure he expected me to go along with it his arms slowly began wrapping around me.

Slowly the kiss began to heat up, and neither of us wanted to stop this. Before I knew it my body was against the wall my hands all over him and his hands bracing my back. A warm heat was caressing my leg and my hands went straight to it, I knew exactly what was happening. His kisses trailed down my neck slowly his kisses tracing my torso and each breast ever so carefully. His teeth barely grazing my nipple which brought on a low moan that really got him kick started. Slowly he brought my body to the shower floor as he continued his kisses down my arcing body. Kisses trailing down my stomach then my inner thigh, oh lord how he was tempting me. All the way down my right leg he kissed and back up caressing my left inner thigh. A moan was released and he kissed me gently on my vagina.

Making the kiss harder he moved to the lips and licked between them. His tongue felt so sweet once it hit. This I had never experienced with Sean or Spinner. This was the most intense feeling but it rocked my body, literally. Slowly his kisses made their way back up. He looked like a dog the way he was over me and I didn't let that go to waste. My hands went straight to where I knew he'd love. My fingers gently slid over his penis and made an open fist and slid my hand over and over. His lips crashing on mine again his right hand slipped down over by body so he could finger me. He was rubbing nicely but hadn't entered, the teasing was murder. Taking my right hand from his penis but now caressing it with my left I took his fingers and played them in me to give out another moan. His fingers danced inside me and he knew exactly what to do.

My hands went back to rubbing him. My right caressing his ball sac and my left enjoying his penis which made him give off a soft moan that mixed with mine. Slowly I was getting into a sitting position; I think he may have been slightly confused. I made him get into a sitting position against the wall as I started going down on him. His fingers weren't in me anymore and it wasn't as enjoyable. My body was bent over him almost doggy style so with my left hand I coaxed his right hand under me and back in. He slipped three fingers in and grabbed me with his left hand to pull me closer. The fourth finger slipped in as I began touching his balls with my left hand while bracing myself with my right. Sliding my mouth down his penis again and again I could hear him moan. His left arm was behind my legs but also slipping in my vagina.

It was a sweet ecstasy with his fingers inside me; we began panting harder as we stood up. He pressed me against the wall again and pulled my leg over his and slipped in me. My hands caressed over his body and he rocked in me to slow down his orgasm. His lips crashed on mine again and he pulled away sitting on the seat in the shower I was resting on his lap his penis still in me. He leaned back and began to thrust into me. My feet were pushing me up and down following his motion.  
It was the best feeling I've ever had cover my body. Until…

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**A/N:  
Well guys, what happened.  
WHO KNOWS?!  
Me ;D**

Read and review.  
I have time because it's christmas break.  
So if you keep reviewing I'll keep writing.


	10. The Perfect Hell

**A/N:  
This chapter hurt to write.  
Goddamn it really killed.  
I apologize for it being so short.  
I couldn't handle writing anymore.  
I'll make the next chapter better I promise.**

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The memories flooded back. Behind my closed eyelids I saw that man, that guy. The scenes of that man who hurt me, had stared at me in such hunger, had made me black out, the screaming and the complete hatred I now held. I knew he was inside me in the scene and horrific screams filled my ears that I knew to belong to me. Jay had stopped but the visions did not cease. He had been completely clothed in a blue t-shirt and blue jeans. His penis was just sticking out the fly of his jeans. Although, I was not completely naked my perfect skirt was pushed up and my blouse unbuttoned.

He hadn't been gentle my skin was bruised from his force. That face though would haunt me forever. That gross goatee, those horrifying grey eyes that seemed black, those high cheek bones, the strong jaw line; the face I never wished to see again. That night I worried about what Spinner would say, how he would hunt the bastard down, and how everything would go so horribly bad. In real life I felt Jay trying to calm me, the shower was off, and my body was being wrapped in a towel.

I was not okay now, nor will I ever be. The man's brute force had held me down, had hurt me so badly. The taste of vomit filled my mouth; it was in the dream and in real life. The bruises felt as if they were reforming and the pain was unbearable now. Finally the man had stopped; he left me there though with nothing to feel. Sitting there in the silence with my tears was so horrible. I wasn't sure what to say, who to talk to so I sat in the room until someone walked in. I don't exactly remember who though. The brown curly hair, the whole horrified look, the pretty eyes, the masculine torso, the perfect hero it seemed. After that I blacked out but I remember waking up in a house.

The room was plain, the bed was soft, and the occupant(s) of the house were gone. Though I felt as if I knew the room, as if I'd been there before, and been in the person's arms before but not from such a traumatic experience more so as if a warm, happy experience. The persons face began flooding my mind. The man's beautiful face, then the deceit that soon followed; he lied, he knew everything that happened…

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**A/N:  
Who is this person?  
This house she was in?  
-Shrugs-  
You tell me.  
I sort of have an idea though.**


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